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Sock Terrorism

February 1, 2011

I’ll just come right out and say it. I’m a little OCD. And by a little, I mean that if my books and CDs aren’t alphabetized, I feel unmoored from reality. Or that if my checkbook is off by a mere 3 cents, I will spend hours finding the error in order to correct it. Or that I start to panic if I can’t match up my socks.

Imagine my surprise when I heard of this company: littlemissmatched, a company that specializes in making products to give me nightmares.

They sell socks in packages of three. And none of the three matches any of the other.

Copyright littlemissmatched

It’s sock terrorism, I tell you. They’re out to get me.


The Time I Met a Drug Dealer

January 28, 2011

I was sixteen. I wanted a car of my own. My mom’s car, Putting Betsy, was just not the right automobile for a hip young thing. (Those of you who knew me in high school are free to laugh. I was never hip. Still am not.)

My parents certainly weren’t going to buy a 16 year old a car (good decision, parents!) So, I did what any desperate teenager would do. I got a job. For a drug dealer. (Not really.) I got a job at Wendy’s. Let me tell you, I was a good little drive thru muffin. I was quick and efficient and cute in my stupid little uniform.

See, cute, right? Anyway, there was this girl I worked with. And she was a bit of a troubled soul. One afternoon, in the slowest part of the day, the part of the day where we’re supposed to be cleaning and prepping for the dinner rush, a guy walks in. My friend goes to talk to him. And then she makes him a hamburger and gives it to him free of charge. Then the guy walks out. And I’m standing there wondering what just happened.

The guy was wearing a faded pair of jeans and an old mid-90s style nylon jacket. He was short and thin, but he had all of his teeth and was reasonably well-groomed. He did have shifty eyes, but that was all that seemed amiss. Of course, I asked my friend who that person was and why she had given him a burger. She said, rather nonchalantly, “Oh, that’s my brother’s drug dealer. He needed appeased.”

Somewhat stunned (read, having an out-of-body experience), I mentioned that he didn’t look like a drug dealer. Clearly, I thought all drug dealers were named “Big-E” and had killer attack dogs and no teeth and wore black and looked shifty all over, not just in the eyes. She informed me that he did, in fact, look exactly like a drug dealer. Apparently most of them are slightly out-of-date style-wise, and have all of their teeth. She then informed me that giving him a burger every now and again kept him from getting too cranky about not getting paid in a timely manner.

I nodded my head in an understanding manner, while internally feeling like my perception of the world had been permanently altered. Television did not prepare me for the reality of drug dealing.

Biscotti—20-something style

January 26, 2011

  1. Turn the oven on to 400°. Go to the garage freezer, pull out a pizza. Put it in the oven. While it cooks, start the biscotti dough.
  2. Read the recipe, listed below.
  3. Combine the first three ingredients as instructed. Realize you hate instant coffee so you have none. Substitute 2 tbsp General Foods International Coffees Sugar Free Decaffeinated Suisse Mocha Cafe.
  4. Add the eggs and flour mixture. Before adding the chocolate chips and walnuts, pull the pizza out of the oven. Start eating a slice while the mixer continues.
  5. Realize you don’t have mini chocolate chips. Decide to use standard chips instead. “Spill” a few on the counter. Clean up your spill. Add chocolate chips and walnuts.
  6. Shape the dough into logs as directed. Feel too lazy to go get a ruler. Use arm to measure 13 inches and pat dough just a bit too thin.
  7. Put dough logs in oven to bake. Eat another slice of pizza while you start last night’s episode of The Biggest Loser.
  8. Surf the internet (including facebook). Eat a third slice of pizza and drink a Dr. Pepper.
  9. Pull biscotti logs from the oven. Try to put on wire rack. Break the log in half. Decide to quit while you’re ahead and leave them to cool on the cookie sheet.
  10. Decide you’re being lazy. Develop the “two spatula” technique for removing the biscotti from the cookie sheet.
  11. Make a cup of coffee to drink while continuing to watch The Biggest Loser and waiting for the biscotti to cool.
  12. Husband gets home from work. Tell him to have some of the pizza. Show him awesome YouTube video. Continue watching The Biggest Loser. Is there any way to cool biscotti faster?
  13. Biggest Loser is only a half-episode. Biscotti is still not cool. Decide to go for a run to burn off future calories.
  14. Return from run. Biscotti is now cool. Slice into finger while slicing cookies. As a consequence, slice biscotti into slices more in the one inch range than in the half inch range.
  15. Bake 15 minutes. Flip. Bake 15 more minutes.
  16. Cool. Again.
  17. The next morning, bring to work. Have coworkers sing praises to your name.

Southern Living’s Chocolate Chip Biscotti Recipe

We want this house!

January 14, 2011

3125 Serendipity, Colorado Springs

The house has 5 bedrooms (5!?! for two people—obscene, I know), 3 bathrooms, a living room, a family room and a huge corner lot! It has a good-sized kitchen, a covered back deck, and a private master bath (unusual in houses of this vintage.) Josh and I have wanted to live on this street for years, no joke. It’s one block away from his parents, and the front of the house faces a big open grassy field. It backs up to the greenway, a secluded walking path system in the city, and it is close to an elementary school. What’s not to love?!? Of course, we have an offer in on it, and the sellers have accepted it.

The kitchen. Not so bad, right? Until you see what the camera hides… Those tiny dots on the wallpaper, roosters! Millions of terrifying roosters. And on the other side of the kitchen, dark red plaid, a chair rail, and more roosters. They even wallpapered the utility box. No joke. And they installed a floor-to-ceiling spice rack that is as ugly as it is impractical. And there is a severe lack of cabinets. Because they made it an eat-in kitchen even though the dining room is, no joke, three feet away.

Oh, and the wallpaper. The horrors! Every. single. room. is wallpapered. And each room is a glimpse into a new era of wallpaper. It’s like a wallpaper timeline! I think I’m going to be great friends with a wallpaper scraper.

The master bathroom. Great, wonderful, or so it seems… The listing says double sinks. Ha! The “second sink” is the reflection! 🙂 Clearly the listing agent was drinking when he wrote this. Also cleverly camouflaged, is the um, interesting, light fixture. In the 70s, it was a big thing to have lantern-style hanging fixtures. Since this house was built in 1971, it was wired for that. When the previous owners updated, instead of moving the wiring down into the wall, they hung the light bar ON THE CEILING! When our agent was walking us through, we all looked up and laughed. It was a good moment.

I don’t have any pictures of the faux stone paneling on the downstairs fireplace, or the creepy serial-killer deck that needs a good powerwashing. But know they’re there. Or the roof that needs replacing in the next 5 years. Or the furnace that’s older than Josh. Or the windows. Or the gutterless sides of the house. Trifles, all of them. Expensive trifles, but trifles, nonetheless. For the overwhelming goodness that is this house, I’m thinking those can all be overcome. Now, if only the bank would stop dithering (it’s a short sale) and give us an answer. We need to know by January 27, and that is fast upon us.

By the way, anyone wanna help us move?

The Stunning Conclusion

June 18, 2010

As you, my one avid reader knows, I have been in the long process of updating my home office. I chose a brown and green theme because I’m cheap and I already had the comforter. I originally chose the comforter because the wall was green, and I paid money to get it green, and I didn’t want to repaint it. I’m serious.

So many of my design decisions revolve around what costs the least money and/or involves the fewest decisions. I have no problem with putting forth physical labor, but like my friend Lindsey says, “The trouble in life is the choice.” As a matter of fact, I didn’t really choose the comforter. It was on sale at Target, and it matched the aforementioned green wall.

Most of the office has been done for a few weeks. All that remained was a French memo board for above my desk. I scoured Hobby Lobby, Marshall’s and TJ Maxx, but couldn’t find what I wanted. I found the perfect memo board on, but it was $50, and I’m cheap. So I decided to make my own. It now hangs above my desk:

And, better yet, it only cost me a whopping $12 to make! Please note, that number does not include the 4 hours I spent hand-covering each of the buttons, and then painstakingly stitching them all on. No, I will not make you one. I highly doubt I will ever make myself one again.

Once I had this wonderful piece of art above my desk, I thought to myself: “Gee, wouldn’t it be great if my desk chair was better than this horrible craigslist monstrosity?” So, I went garage-saling with my friend Ellen, and found a steal of a deal—a beautiful chair for a mere $15. By beautiful, I mean a few small scratches, and a badly water-stained microfiber seat cushion. I got to work with the screwdriver and the staple gun and recovered that seat. And, by a crazy random happenstance, I had just enough fabric left from my French memo board to make the two match!

See? And notice that the lattice-work of the chair mirrors the lattice-work of the memo board! It’s like I planned it or something. (Which we all know is a lie.)

That’s all for this week’s exciting chronicle in the life of the world’s cheapest, most decision paralyzed apartment decorator. Join us next week when we begin tackling a refinishing project! (I think my electric sander just ran for cover!)

Recent Craft Projects

May 23, 2010

The Pottery Barn catalog is great for many things, but not for purchasing! I get a lot of inspiration for projects from within its hallowed pages. Take for instance, this wonderful specimen:

Why pay $75 for this, when you can make this, which is much cooler, for $25?

Found the plate on eBay. A little chalkboard paint later, and I had a birthday present for my mom-in-law!

On to the next project!

I got a great frame from my Aunt Lori for my wedding. The frame was designed to hold a 12×12 scrapbook page. Here we are, almost 3 years after our wedding, and I finally made the page.

It’s hanging in my hallway on the little wall between the guest room and the master bedroom.

I have a sheet full of projects, and plenty of time to work on them. I just wanted to share what I’ve been up to!

The Office (not on TV)

May 23, 2010

Every now and again, I get what my mom calls a “wild hair.” The other night, Josh was late getting home from work, and I got the sudden wild hair to rearrange our home office. I have always hated the layout of our office, and it has never had a coherent design. With a little inspiration from Krylon spray paint and craigslist, and a lot of sitting in the middle of the room and thinking, I have a new design for the office. And I LOVE IT!

Let me know what you think!

Since the file cabinet doubles as a bedside table, I thought it needed some pizazz!

With a little help from Krylon spray paint in Fern Green--pizazz!

The guest room section of the office!

Christy's workspace

Josh's workspace

The makeover didn’t cost much, and the bookcase that used to be in the room is now in the hallway. It really frees up the space.